Beyond the physical and psychological difficulties faced by the child, DYS disorders (dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, etc.) also affect the parents. They quickly have to grieve the perfect child that most of them had imagined: going through an unavoidable process of transformation, learning to put words to their distress, in order to better accept and support their child with DYS and help them thrive.

An invisible disability that also affects parents

Often described as invisible disabilities, DYS disorders refer to specific cognitive disorders: dyslexia, dyspraxia, dysphasia, dyscalculia, dysorthographia, as well as attention deficit disorder, with or without hyperactivity (ADHD).

Always involving an atypical brain function, they can have a lasting effect on memory, motor skills, language, attention, or executive functions (organisation, planning…) and visuospatial skills (positions, movements and relationships between objects…). These learning difficulties place obstacles throughout their personal, school, and professional journey.

While professionals (speech and language therapists, psychologists, occupational therapists, graphotherapists…) naturally focus on the child, to help them find strategies to work around these difficulties, parental coaching can, in turn, support the parents, whose role is essential to the child’s development and upbringing…

An inevitable grief curve, leading to acceptance

During pregnancy, few parents escape the psychological phenomenon of longing for the perfect child. Faced with the symptoms of DYS disorders, they inevitably go through the grief curve, but must reach the end of this unavoidable process of transformation, in order to accept the situation and move forward.

The grief curve follows distinct stages that need to be worked through, in time:

  • Denial: differences start to appear, but you refuse to see them, caught between confusion and outright denial. Emotionally involved with the child, those around you don’t help clear up the doubts…;
  • Anger: guilt on the part of parents who feel responsible for these difficulties, mixed with anger, unconscious but real, towards the child. You still refuse to accept the situation and feel powerless;
  • Fear: parents worry about their child’s future. Is it irreparably compromised, without hope? Will they be able to help them succeed at school despite everything?;
  • Sadness: the child’s difference is acknowledged, but you struggle to come to terms with it. You feel alone, misunderstood, with a strong sense of injustice, even as you try to make sense of it all;
  • Acceptance: resigned, you accept the situation. Your child is different, even if you’re not yet taking action;
  • Reorganisation: having accepted this new image of your child, you get in touch with professionals, to help them and build their future;
  • Integration: adapted to their DYS disorder, you choose to grow together with them, feeling proud of this child, so imperfectly perfect!

 

While each stage of the grief curve needs to be lived through in order to move to the next, the sooner you accept the situation, the sooner you’ll be able to help your child move forward: don’t hesitate to ask for the help of a parental coach, to support you through this unavoidable process of transformation!